a Lynne's

Lynne's

Monday, January 10, 2005

Feelings
How are you feeling? I have been feeling really happy and upbeat. Simply the little things in life are giving me pleasure.
Examples - Music: Today has been a day filled with great tunes. I have been singing and dancing around all day. Cutlery: My wonderful brother gave me an 8-inch chef knife as a Christmas gift. This knife is the coolest, I love it so much. I cannot believe how long I went without good cutlery. Every time I use it I am in awe - sound effects come out of my mouth. I was even in a good mood after I mistakenly cut myself; all my other knives can’t even leave a mark, never mind cut my skin. Sunshine: The past two days have been gorgeous. My body and mind love sunshine.

I could go on and on, but I won’t, because I can’t. Each time I attempt to fully express how good life is I stop.

Is anyone else doing this?

It’s the sorrow that stops me, sorrow caused by thousands of people mourning. Dare I say that I can actually feel the sorrow in the air? If I stop and quiet my happiness, I can truly feel it in my bones, my soul.

I feel sorrow, guilt and anger. I also feel blessed. Could it be that my happiness is an unconscious result of my blessings? I don’t know.

I am also having problems feeling sorry for myself. Normally this would be progress. Today in the shower more of my hair fell out (androgenic alopecia). I wanted to be upset but I couldn’t. Not in the name of vanity. Not when there is so much grief in the air. I cannot comprehend the destruction, how the survivors are left to survive, it’s all too grave.

What do I do with these feelings? What should I do? What can I do? My neighbor advises that we just need to give back. To contribute in a way that works for us as individuals.
How are you feeling?

5 Comments:

dancing and cutlery. sounds dangerous
I feel out of step too.
Belinda
I wish I could say that I even have happiness to make me feel guilty, but today has been among the worst in recent memory for me. But the sorrow I definitely have covered.

Also, yay comments!
I started out reading your blog knowing how you feel, but then you went on & on, and.. it's sick really. :-)

Moving things, really, though, about the disasters.

I know why I am happy, I've got the song.

Oh, my, DeAnn, what happened??!!!
Lynne,
I think you are still on your vacaction high and it feels foreign to you because you forgot what they felt like! :)
M.

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